Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Why Are You Talking To Me? (An Ode To Male Bathroom Etiquette)

Why are you talking to me
While I pee?
I came to this rest room to empty out me,
Not converse with every stranger I see;
Is this a place to make friends? I disagree;
We ain’t hunting buddies surrounding a tree
Shootin’ the shit as we
All three
Go pee.

Look about the rest room and you can see
Numerous urinals into which you could pee;
Instead to choose the one right next to me;
Don’t you see...
This stands contrary
To unwritten rules in the history
Of public pee,
Which are obviously
Foreign to you but sacred to me.

To engage in urinary banter with me...
Well, gee,
To me
That seems sort of faggy,
You see?
So listen to me -
Leave me be -
Shut up while I pee,
Or I’m liable to beat the shit out of thee.

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