New eBook Short: "Bottom of the Well"

I have a new story coming out from Echelon Press, who also released Killer Cows. The cover was sent to me last night, and I think it looks pretty cool, totally reflecting the tone of the story.


As for the story itself, “Bottom of the Well” is my take on the logical outcome of mankind’s fate if vampires actually existed. I’ve never been a huge fan of vampire stories, especially in recent year, where every vampire is not so much a nasty bloodsucker as they are a pale, misunderstood emo teenager who loves someone else while hating themselves.

And really…vampires stopped being scary a long time ago, roughly after Bela Lugosi first donned a black cape (though I must admit, 30 Days of Night was almost scary, and not half bad).

Anyway, “Bottom of the Well” de-romanticizes the whole vampire legend. The main character is a teenage vampire named Nona, hopelessly wandering a future post-apocalyptic world in a futile search for blood. The problem is that, over the centuries, as vampires increased in numbers, the human population dwindled to the point where there is no one left to feed upon. Now Nona, as well as everyone else, suffer from starvation, but are unable to die…sort of a living Hell.

The end of mankind is told in flashback scenes, mostly centered on another vampire, Casper Fairchild, a militant activist who noticed the dwindling human population before anyone else, and realized, if action wasn’t taken, the world would indeed be crawling with the starving undead. Against the wishes of the World Coven (leaders of the vampire underworld), he ‘outs’ himself to the world and offers a proposal which will save the human population while allowing vampires to continue to feed. This does not sit well with the world, and Nona discovers that most humans would rather die of their own accorded then serve themselves up as cattle. The ensuing war between humans and the undead pretty much destroys the world.

The story is also a parable about the consequences of squandering natural resources without thinking of the long term consequences. Though pretty dark, “Bottom of the Well’ is a story intended for young adults, and I’m happy with how it turned out. I hope you’ll check it out when it is finally released on Amazon, Omnilit and other eBook outlets.

In the meantime, I love the cover. Thanks to Karen Syed (my publisher) for her creative design.

Movies of Mass Destruction, Part 2: The Poseidon Adventure

Once again, to celebrate the upcoming publication of my young adult disaster novel, Shaken, it's time to take a look back at another classic movie that could only have come from the 1970s.

Irwin Allen’s The Poseidon Adventure was the real start of the 70's disaster movie trend, laying down the blueprint which would be followed by countless subsequent films: a very brief set-up, then the big crisis, followed by various Hollywood stars forced to deal with their dilemma, half of whom will die. While 1970's Airport had some elements of the disaster movie formula, the main focus was on the various characters and subplots. Not so with The Poseidon Adventure; the characters in this one exist either to provide exposition or be killed. The real stars of the movie are the special effects team and set designers; the film looks great, and while the special effects may seem a bit quaint in the wake of Titanic, they are still pretty impressive.


The story is a simple one: On her final voyage, the ocean liner, S.S. Poseidon, is hit by a massive tidal wave, which capsizes the ship. Most of the passengers are in the ballroom celebrating the new year, and when the wave hits, they are tossed about like rag dolls, falling through glass, getting squashed by tables, pianos, dinner carts, etc. The few survivors, led by Reverend Frank Scott (Gene Hackman), must now make their way through the capsized ship to reach the hull, and hope for a rescue before it sinks for good. Coming along for the ride are Red Buttons, Carol Lynley, Shelley Winters, Roddy McDowell, Stella Stevens and Ernest Borgnine, among others.

The actors do a pretty decent job with the silly script, which features some groan inducing dialogue - if you can get through the laughably bad first thirty minutes, The Poseidon Adventure offers a great time, with such destructive thrills as underwater explosions, passengers getting crushed or pummeled by torrents of water, Shelley Winter’s dress hiking up to reveal her massive underpants (after which time you’ll want to gouge your eyes out).

The movie also introduces several elements to the disaster movie formula that would become standard in many later films: the character who exists solely to contradict every idea the hero has; a sappy song interlude (in hopes of garnering an easy Oscar nod, which this one did); the “company man” who’s obsession with the bottom-dollar threatens everyone; dozens of extras whose collectively stupid behavior in the face of danger kills them all; the couple who fall in love (or rekindle their love) only so one of them can die; a totally obnoxious (or sickeningly cute) kid whom you wish would die but almost never does.

Warner Brothers remade this movie a few years back. While the special effects are better, it doesn‘t have the goofy charm of the original.

Movies of Mass Destruction, Part 1: Earthquake

As I’ve written earlier, my second young adult novel, Shaken, is tentatively scheduled for publication in August by Echelon Press. What makes this book special to me is that it was inspired by the disaster movies (good & bad) I loved as a kid, only told through the eyes of three teenagers. To celebrate the novel’s publication, I humbly offer the first in a series of blog entries which fondly recall those classic and not-so-classic disaster movies which helped inspire Shaken. Most of you are probably too young to remember most of them, but I highly recommend you check them out. Some of them are very good, and some are so bad they’re good.


Being that the plot of Shaken is a massive quake and tsunami, it seems only fitting that my first entry looks back at the 1974 film, Earthquake

“Sensurround” was a gimmick dreamed up in the 70s by Universal Pictures for their most successful entry in the disaster movie sweepstakes, Earthquake. In theaters where the movie played, speakers the size of Volkswagens were installed. During key scenes these speakers emitted a bass-heavy rumble, loud enough to (sort of) vibrate your seat as though you were experiencing the quake too, much like I used to experience my upstairs neighbor’s love of R. Kelly every weekend before I finally lost my mind and shot him (to this day, whenever I hear “I Believe I Can Fly,” I believe I can kill again). Sensurround was one of those gimmicks that William Castle would be proud of; it ain’t some technological breakthrough - anyone with the same stereo system as my late, bullet-riddled neighbor can accomplish the same thing - but it’s an idea no one had thought of at the time. While today all movies are presented in Mega-Dolby-THX-5.1-Dodeccophonic-Digital-Thunder-Of-The-Gods-Christ-My-Ears-Are-Bleeding-Surround sound, back then there was only Sensurround, simply because someone thought to stick huge speakers at the back of the theater. Universal would use the gimmick in later films (Midway, Rollercoaster and Battlestar Galactica), but it was only really effective in Earthquake, when the idea was still new. That as much as anything helped make it a box office hit.

As for the movie itself, Earthquake assembles the usual all-star cast to wonder around and dig each other out of the rubble after a massive quake hits Los Angeles. Typical of most disaster movies, most of the principle actors are well past their prime, many of whom overact on an unparalleled level - you know you’re in for extreme William Shatner-style thespianism when Charleton Heston turns in one of the most low-keyed performances in the movie. George Kennedy is on-hand to pretty-much play the same guy he does in the Airport movies (this time as a hard-nosed cop); Ava Gardener is Heston’s bitter alcoholic old wife (who looks like that scary aunt in every family who reeks of cigarettes and Pond’s cold cream); Lorne Greene is cast as Gardener’s dad (!), who has either discovered the Fountain of Youth or conceived her when he was eight years old. Others along for the ride include Richard Roundtree as a motorcycle daredevil, Marjoe Gortner as an unhinged National Guardsman, Walter Matthau as the film’s comic relief, Genieve Bujold as Heston’s mousy mistress, and Victoria Principal in her pre-Dallas days, sporting a Get Christy Love afro.

Of course, all these actors take a back seat to the true stars of the movie, the special effects team. There are two massive quakes during the film, and Los Angeles ends up pretty well wasted. Skyscrapers crumble, bridges collapse, a dam bursts, houses topple or explode; victims fall to their deaths, get crushed, blown up, broiled, drowned, or shot by Gortner (the film’s only real villain). For the most part, the effects artists do a marvelous job. Much of the destruction is pretty convincing even by modern standards, save for a few goofy scenes, such as when a cattle truck flies off of a crumbling bridge; though the truck topples a hundred feet to the ground, none of the anti-gravity cows fall out. Another scene shows passengers in a high-rise elevator falling to their deaths...we know they’ve hit the ground floor when a splotch of red paint is badly super-imposed over the shot. The traditional matte paintings showing the city in ruins may not be as convincing in this age of CGI, but I always thought they offered an otherworldly, surreal look to a film, and they are quite effective here.

Earthquake at least deserves some kudos for being one of the few disaster movies with a fairly downbeat ending. A majority of the cast is dead by the time the credits roll, and the few who survive aren’t embracing each other, simply happy to be alive and with their loved ones. They are understandably shell-shocked, dazed and confused.

Earthquake is also the only time you’ll ever hear Lorne Greene demand, “Take off your panty hose, dammit!” Imagine if he had yelled that on Bonanza.

New Blog Title...Same Old Stuff

Hi, all.

I gotta share two  recent pieces of awesome news. Well, awesome for me. First, just in case you didn't know, I've been gravely ill for nearly three months, but am finally getting released from the hospital this week.

Second...I'm proud to announce I have sold my second novel, Shaken, to Quake/Echelon Press, who did just an awesome job with my first one, Killer Cows. Like Cows, Shaken is also a YA novel. More details coming.

But for now, the reason for the blog's name change. Quite simple really. The blog isn't really about cows, and now that I have more to promote, it made sense to generalize the title. So, it's the same old stuff I always do.

Randy Meyer is a Fictional Hero; Jeremiah is a Real One

Jeremiah Boland is a junior at Parkrose High School. In August of 2006, he was diagnosed with a disease called Juvenile Nasal AngiofibromaI. These are tumors that have invaded his sinus and nasal cavities. Most of his seventh grade year was spent in the hospital and at home. On May 13, 2010 he had a setback. After a nosebleed that lasted five and a half hours, doctors discovered the tumor had doubled in size and was now life threatening. The tumor had intertwined itself with the carotid artery. His team of doctors decided that surgery was too risky. The only option for treatment is Gamma Knife Radiation. The long-term effects from the radiation, compared to immediate fatality, were the deciding factor for treatment. Jeremiah has a long road ahead of him but refuses to let it hold him back. His goal is to play football his senior year.


As a teacher in the Parkrose School District, I have had the privilege of getting to know the Boland family through their wonderful children, some in my class, some by acquaintance. In either case, they are a wonderful, loving family stricken by these unexpected circumstances Jeremiah now faces. My school has rallied to show their love and support for Jeremiah through the Sparrow Club, an organization which raises money for a family facing medical expenses due to a child‘s illness. My school has been involved in this for four years now, but for the first time, the child is one from our own community, a young man many of us know and admire.

When I think of what Jeremiah and his family are going through during this trying time, and the strength they’ve shown, I see true heroism, and want to do anything within my power to help them. Which is why I decided that I will give 100% of the ebook royalties of my first novel, Killer Cows, to Jeremiah and the Bolands in order to help with the long and expensive road which lays ahead for them. When I signed my first book contract with Echelon Press, I fulfilled a lifelong dream. And, the way I see it, what better way to make the most of one’s dream than to help someone else achieve theirs? And really, it is a small gesture on my part, but one I hope can help make a difference.

And it is actually so easy. The ebook is $3.00, and half of that would go to help Jeremiah. My goal is to raise at least $1,000 for him. That's 2,000 ebooks. A huge goal, but one that's possible. So please, if you are reading this, spread the word. Everyone who buys a copy of Killer Cows will not only get a fun read, they'll be helping a great kid.

Killer Cows is available at:
Fictionwise:  http://www.fictionwise.com/ebooks/b107106/?si=0
Omnilit: http://www.omnilit.com/product-killercows-416757-251.html
Amazon: http://bit.ly/ci33oe