Saturday, September 5, 2009

Bad Animals, Part 2: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Seriously, how can anyone resist a title like that?

And with this one, you gets whatcha pays for. Hilariously bad CGI, former 80's teen icon Debbie Gibson (oh, excuse me...Deborah Gibson) and a script loaded with enough howlers to keep lovers of direct-to-DVD trash enthralled for hours.

I loved this movie! So will you, if you’re in the right frame of mind.

THRILL as two recently thawed out prehistoric ocean monsters wreak havoc on each other!

GASP as a megalodon shark is able to leap thousands of feet from the water to take down a jumbo jet!

PONDER these creatures’ ability to be terrorizing the Japanese coast one day, then be lurking the waters off Alaska the next!

MARVEL at the glaring inconsistencies of these animals’ size from scene to scene! One minute the shark is a few hundred feet long, the next it’s the size of the Empire State Building.

SCREAM as the megalodon attacks the Golden Gate Bridge for no apparent reason!

SCREAM AGAIN as the giant octopus uses its tentacles to scatter toy submarines like bowling pins!

RECOIL IN HORROR at Gibson’s thespian talents, which range from wide-eyed, slack-jawed horror to looking like she just got a whiff of someone else’s flatulence.

RECOIL IN HORROR AGAIN as Gibson consumates a relationship with a fellow scientist in a janitor's broom closet within a few hours of meeting each other, even though they display zero sexual chemistry in any previous scene.

CHEER at the appearance of Lorenzo Lamas as a woefully stupid antagonist, because any connoisseur of vintage movie cheese knows no direct-to-video trash would be complete without him.

NOTICE how the producers manage to utilize the same sets over and over again, only with different lighting.

TITTER at the inclusion of a blooper reel among the special features, when really, the whole movie is one long blooper.

CHORTLE at the hilariously inept CGI effects, which occasionally look like the computer nerd hired to create them never actually finished the job.

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is the kind of wonderfully bad movie that only comes along once in a while...more fun than a barrel of Godzillas. Not easy to find for sale, but it’s been available at local Blockbuster stores for some time. Do yourself a favor...get some friends together, do some popcorn, crank the sound and have a great time at this movie’s expense.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like fun. I gotta see this one. Watching Fright Night right now.